


The Only Gift I Need

by ellebeedarling



Series: Christmas 2017 [7]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Gift Fic, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 15:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13216287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: It was Christmastime, the galaxy was going to hell and Kaidan was dying.





	The Only Gift I Need

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Regomem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regomem/gifts).



> This is a Christmas gift for the amazing and terrific Regomem! It has been wonderful getting to know you this last year. You have been so kind and honored me so much by drawing pictures for my fics and even translating Someone to Love into Russian! It's just so humbling, honestly, and you have know idea how happy that makes me! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy your gift and have an incredible Christmas and New Year!! <3
> 
> **
> 
> Rego drew me a picture for Christmas, which I'm including with this fic!

The galaxy was going to hell. 

 

That was a fact that even the stubborn Council could no longer ignore. Everyone, every species, every planet had already suffered some sort of significant loss to the Reapers, and they weren’t slowing down anytime soon. Time was running out.

 

Shepard had a lengthy list of regrets about his life. As a kid he’d been forced to make some terrible choices in order to survive. The same could be said of his life as a soldier. It wasn’t easy or pretty, and he’d made some ruthless decisions to get to this place now. He could admit to feeling remorse about some of those, but there were no do overs in life. You placed your bets and took your chances, and if you were careful things worked in your favor. If not… 

 

He’d been dealt a shitty hand in the game of life, but he hadn’t let the circumstances stop him from pursuing what he wanted.

 

Until he’d met one Lieutenant - now Major - Kaidan Alenko, at least. 

 

They’d met a lifetime ago, formed a friendship he’d thought would stand the test of time. But even the strongest of bonds can be broken by death - as the two of them had learned. A hard lesson. A painful lesson. 

 

And the pain had continued to pile up, both of them unwittingly adding more to the heap of shattered hopes and dreams. 

 

Before Ilos, Shepard had chickened out of saying what he wanted to say to Kaidan. He’d kept his damned mouth shut on Horizon, accepted the verbal pummeling Kaidan had given him. On Mars, he’d almost lost his temper. Almost said hurtful things that he didn’t mean and could never take back. 

 

He wasn’t sure what had kept his tongue in check, but now… now Kaidan was dying. Now it was Shepard’s turn to wait and worry and grieve. Now he had time to remember all those things he should have said. Now it may be too late. 

 

It was Christmastime.

 

The Reapers had attacked, destroying the Earth during its favorite time of year, and Kaidan Alenko was lying in a hospital bed, dying. Shepard sat at his bedside, shoulders burdened with a weight so goddamned overwhelming, clutching Kaidan’s hand in his own. It was his lifeline - the only thing keeping him from drowning. 

 

“I should have told you sooner, Kaidan,” he whispered into the darkened room. The machines attached to the biotic’s body beeped in time with Shepard’s own pounding heart. “It’s you, Kaidan. It’s always been you. I… I love you. I think I have since the first day aboard the Normandy.” His laugh was dry and mirthless. “Pretty shitty that it took something like this to get me to admit it. Then again, you’ve hardly let me get a word in edgewise since Horizon… That was a joke, K… Hope you don’t mind me calling you K.

 

“I’m babbling,” he muttered. “See what you do to me?”

 

Sighing, Shepard rubbed his eyes. “I should go.” After a brief hesitation, he brought Kaidan’s hand to his lips, kissing it softly, wondering if that would be the only chance he ever got. 

 

**

 

It was Christmastime, the galaxy was going to hell and Kaidan was dying. Every chance he got to visit the Citadel, Shepard took it. No excuse was too small or too petty to reroute the ship. It was selfish, and he knew it. It was the end of all things, though. Now was the time to be selfish about matters of the heart. The chances of either or both of them surviving this thing were slim and none, and Shepard just needed to be as close to Kaidan as possible - for as long as possible. 

 

So he found himself visiting Kaidan as often as possible. The nights the Normandy was docked at the Citadel, Shepard slept curled up in a miserable chair in Kaidan’s hospital room. In the morning, he woke with a crick in his neck, exhaustion still buried deep in his bones. The first thing he did every time he opened his eyes was check to see if the Major was still breathing, letting himself breathe a sigh of relief whenever he saw the gentle rise and fall of the man’s chest. 

 

Kaidan was still alive - for now - and that gave Shepard more hope than any victory they’d had so far. 

 

The nursing staff had become so accustomed to his presence, that they’d taken to bringing him coffee first thing every morning. Shepard took the cup from the young nurse that entered to check Kaidan’s vitals, nodding his appreciation. He watched her work, sipping the coffee and feeling grateful for it. 

 

“That’s a nice addition,” she said, gesturing toward the green wreath that hung on the wall above Kaidan’s bed. 

 

“Thanks,” Shepard said quietly, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Every time they stopped by the Citadel over the last couple of weeks, he’d picked up another Christmas decoration to bring with him - a string of lights, some greenery, a tiny little tree in the corner. 

 

He wasn’t sure why he’d started doing it, whether it was for Kaidan to see when he woke up or just to cheer himself up while he was there. Either way, he couldn’t deny that it looked nice, made the place feel less clinical and more homey. 

 

He knew home and family were important to Kaidan. Shepard had never had either, but he wanted that one day. He’d spent years dodging the idea, of dancing around his feelings for Kaidan, of being too busy to give it much thought. And though he’d never been sure of anything he wanted out of life - outside of his career, at least - he was certain of one thing. He wanted a life with Kaidan Alenko - if the man would have him. 

 

* * *

 

Shepard peeled his eyes open and waited for them to adjust to the light before glancing around the room. It was decorated with fresh greenery, strings of lights, and a tiny tree in the corner. The scent of pine was almost enough to drown out the antiseptic smell of the hospital room he found himself in. 

 

Further inspection revealed that he was lying in a bed, tubes and wires trailing out of his body in various places. Everything hurt, and his voice didn’t want to obey him when he tried to speak. Movement to his right caught his eye and he turned his head to track it. 

 

Brilliant, golden eyes, set in a smiling face, met his gaze. “Kaidan…” The word was choked and hoarse, but Kaidan’s smile widened upon hearing it, tears springing up in those amber-colored eyes. 

 

“John,” he whispered. “Thank god you’re awake.” 

 

“How long?”

 

“Six months,” Kaidan said softly, “but you did it. The Reapers are gone.”

 

Shepard let himself relax into the bed, feeling Kaidan’s warm fingers curl around his own. He returned the pressure when Kaidan squeezed them. Wetness trickled from his eyes, down his temples, into his ears, and Kaidan leaned over to brush the tears away, kissing him softly on the cheek while he was at it. 

 

“It’s Christmas?”

 

“Yeah,” Kaidan admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Thought it might be nice for you to wake up to something bright and cheerful… like you did for me after Mars.” 

 

“Sorry I didn’t have time to go shopping.” Shepard tried to sound lighthearted, but the effort of speaking sent him into a coughing fit that had Kaidan fussing and fretting over him. Once the racket had subsided, Kaidan cupped his cheeks, pressing a light kiss to his lips. 

 

“You being here is all the gift I need.”

 

* * *

_[Artwork by Rego-mem](http://rego-mem.tumblr.com/post/168898241792/a-gift-for-my-dear-friend-and-excellent-writer) _

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> Shout out to [estalfaed](https://estalfaed.tumblr.com) for betaing for me! You're the best! xoxo
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


End file.
